Jiggmin's Village

Full Version: warning: emotions.
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
This is the night before I take my final undergraduate college exam. I have already passed all my classes, so the exam doesn't really mean much, but it's the final assignment that I will submit before I become a college graduate. This may seem like a small deal to some people, but it's huge to me. I am writing this here because I really don't know where else to write it. 

You see, JV and this community holds a special place in my heart, one that I don't think I've ever shared. I'm not sure if any of you remember, but as a high schooler, I was deeply depressed. I often wrote about it on my blogs on this site, and was frequently met with a rather cold response. I never really found "community" among other members here, and I still see myself as an outsider here, due to my past reputation and often immature actions that I've taken. But this website was once the place where I would express my burdens and heartache of depression and mental illness. Even though no one seemingly cared, it was a place where I could put my thoughts into words, and truly express what I was feeling when I didn't feel safe to do it in person. 

I've tried suicide before, unsuccessfully. I underwent therapy and several different treatments to "cure" me of depression. I never really considered my future or my adulthood, because I genuinely never thought I would live to see 21. I still manage symptoms of depression that I frequently face today, although I have gotten much better at managing them and living life. Throughout all of this, I was encouraged by my family to go to college, and soon enough it became my reason for living. Even though I despised my classes and my homework at times, I kept doing it because it gave me purpose. 

Now, the sun is setting on my undergraduate experience. As of December 21st, I will hold a Bachelor's degree in psychology. But that's not the best part: I now have a life goal. My current career path is to work as a behavioral therapist with children who have autism and other special needs. I've been working for the past few months to become certified as a behavioral technician. I have a solid resume, I have an internship under my belt, I've even gotten involved in my community through volunteering with animal shelters. I live on my own. I pay my own rent, I have my own part-time job, I feed myself. I'm a functional human who is 21 years young and finally has a life ahead of him.

I've been looking towards the future for the past 3 years or so, since I truly committed to my future and my education. But now that it's pretty much over, I can't help but look back at the 15 year old kid who was venting on this website about how much he wanted to kill himself. I can't help but think about the nights where I cried myself to sleep, the days where I felt so alone and empty inside. It took me 21 years to love myself and appreciate how far I've come in life. But here I am.

I'm proud of myself. This is so much more than a degree to me. This is the start of my life. 

I did it. I ****ing did it.
Congratulations! now how much debit are you in?
I really enjoyed reading this. I'm sure many here can say we're glad you decided to stay here on this earth and pursue your dreams. You did it. Hell yeah you did!!! Not everyone has come this far in life and decide to keep pursuing their dreams. I'm proud of you! Smile
You just reminded me that I also have a bachelors in psychology LOL you probs deserve more than i do since i half assed my way through the major =s
Thank you for sharing your profound story. It's very inspiring to see how far you've come since the old days. I'm so proud of you -- not just for graduating, but for standing tall today after all that you've been through. Congratulations!
Now, I don't remember too much about you from 6 years ago, but I sure recall you always had that will to make things right, even if they were small details concerning an obsucre online community over a flash game. I'm glad you were able to sort it out for yourself over the years as well.

Also, we all need a bit of Sneezie every now and then ^^
I’m so proud of you. Takes some courage to share this with others. Please remember you’ll always have us. Congratulations on graduating!!!
I got goosebumps reading this. So happy things turned out well for you, even though I don't know you. Keep up the great work Smile
Congrats! I'm glad you've come this far and things turned well for you. We're very proud of you :))