• At 13, I met someone who I saw as a hero. If you've ever heard the mantra "Never meet your heroes", well, I wish it applied here.
  

• At 14, I wanted to help my hero re-obtain something he had lost. At the time, I didn't realize that in doing so I would be wronging a number of people. 
  

• At 14, my hero had trained me to think of those people as obstacles.
  

• At 14, I entered into an inappropriate sexually-charged relationship with an adult. 
  

• At 14, my efforts to help my hero re-obtain something he had lost blew up. My efforts were reversed, and I was rightfully exiled for my actions. I chose to become a scapegoat so that the hero would not take the fall.
  

• At 15, I realized that what I had done was wrong. But also at 15, I had believed that those people were evil.
  

• At 15, I made another plan to help my hero. With this, I fell out of favor of my hero. 
  

• At 15, he caused a rift between me and my friends, as well as the person I was in a relationship with. This was probably done as an act of vengeance, but he inadvertently saved me from being groomed. 
  

• At 16, I met someone he "helped" in the past in a similar way to how he "helped" me.
  

• At 16, I became friends with my hero again. I planned with him in secret to help him re-obtain that lost thing again. 
  

• At 16, I took on a new "appearance". I pretended to be someone that I'm not. I put on a fake personality to match.
  

• At 16, that fake identity was ousted. I yet again decided to be my hero's scapegoat. 
  

• At 16, my hero threatened to cut communications with me unless I performed a series of "roleplays" with him, in which I would pretend to be my fake personality and he would "get romantic" with that character. At this time, he was older than my groomer was when my groomer was in a relationship with me. I felt uncomfortable, so I could never bring myself to fulfill what he really wanted from all of it. So he cut contact with me. And I cried because I loved him.
  

• At 17, I stopped thinking about the people I wroned as villains.
  

• At 17, my hero approached me about a business opportunity. Among the project's team were others that I had wronged in the past, people that genuinely hated me and for good reason. I was excited to further the project's goals. And I genuinely wanted to work on it. I was given a very threatening warning by my hero not to rock the boat. In the first place, I didn't want to.
  

• At 17, I invited the someone I met that he "helped" in the past to view the project. That inflamed everything and the project blew up. So the boat got rocked anyway. I was made a scapegoat again. Everyone stopped talking to me, some for good.
  

• Since 17, I have been unhealthily living in regret. There hasn't been a day that has gone by where I haven't thought about all of the terrible things I've done.
  

• Since 17, one of the people I have wronged passed away. And ever since then, I've become obsessive about apologizing to the people that I've wronged, because I missed my chance to apologize to that person. I avoided apologizing to everyone because I no longer wished to be a nuisance to them. But with some help, I realized that I should just suck it up and apologize to those people if I truly am sorry. So over multiple instances and years, I've learned to become comfortable with approaching those people and attempting to come clean about all that I've done and apologize to them, to some mixed success.
  

• Here I am now at 24. Despite all of my best efforts, I haven't been able to apologize to everyone I've wronged, and I haven't been able to find closure. I try not to feel sorry for myself, but time and again I have slipped up and fell into a pit. I am making this post because I don't want to live a life of sorrow anymore.
  

1. I'm sorry for pushing my wicked sense of loyalty and friendship on you all.
   
2. I'm sorry for barging in and using fed information to make baseless unfair assumptions about you all without bothering to get to know you.
   
3. I'm sorry for believing in any of you to be "villains". It's terrible to even think that anyone could honestly be "hero" or "villain", though I would call myself "evil". Evil is chosen by the person, not for the person.
   
4. I'm sorry for trying to manipulate all of you into doing or thinking things that you did not want to do or think.
   
5. I'm sorry for making a multitude of promises with the intention of breaking them.
   
6. I'm sorry for trying to inflame the friendships/relationships held between you and for pretending that I knew about any of the things that went on between you.
   
7. I'm sorry for being a terrible person in general and for being an awful cretin with awful things to say.
   
8. I'm sorry for pretending to be someone else in order to skirt around the wall you had built up to keep me out. 
   
9. I'm sorry for trying to stay involved in your lives for so long and rubbing salt in the wounds that were already forcefully being healed out of place. Wounds forced to heal out of place never go away.
   
10. I'm sorry for being quiet about the evil that was still happening in your lives when I had already decided to stop committing evil.
    
11. I'm sorry for all of the damage that I caused in all of your lives.
    

1. I promise to be better to the people I meet in the future.
   
2. I promise to never speak about people I've never met as if I have.
   
3. I promise to no longer assume anything about you, or about what is "good for you".
   
4. I promise to never manipulate people in that way ever again.
   
5. I promise to never enable evil ever again.
   
6. I promise to never throw any vitriol, warranted or not, to anyone ever again.
   
7. I promise to stop negatively affecting your future. (In my pursuit of closure, I have inadvertently come very close to breaking this promise already. I'm sorry that I have caused turmoil in this way.)
   
8. I promise to keep these promises to the best of my ability.
   

(18th November 2024, 8:40 AM)Nagato Wrote: Hey, I remember you. I just want to say that many of these things occurred when you were extraordinarily young and I think that it might okay to give yourself a little bit of grace. Life is hard and if you knew better, I'm sure you would have done better. I know this probably doesn't mean much coming from an internet stranger but this is probably what I would say to a close friend as well. I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you and all that you have been through.