16th February 2024, 8:20 AM
This is kind of interesting. To preface, I want to define what I think it means to feel "respected" and "disrespected" to the best of my ability. To feel "respected" by someone is, I think, to feel regarded with the additional consideration, courtesy or humility you feel you deserve due to the nature of your relationship with them. To be "disrespected" then is to feel as though the treatment you have received is insufficient compared to what you feel you deserve. In order to be disrespected, I think you first need to feel entitled to some particular kind of treatment. In other words, "disrespect" to me evokes feelings of some kind of narcissistic injury, like you feel as though your ego or self-worth has just been damaged by someone.
When you mention spitting, slapping, shoving and sexual assault, these are all (obviously) assault. They're all criminal offenses. They are technically also disrespectful in the sense that most of us feel like we do not deserve this kind of treatment from a stranger, but so is robbing or murdering someone, yet rarely do we explicitly refer to these acts as disrespectful.
I think the reason why I in particular find it strange to refer to any of these as disrespectful is because my response to being the victim of physical or sexual assault isn't thinking that I haven't received the kind of treatment I feel entitled to. It doesn't hurt because I feel like this random person isn't treating me how I feel I deserve to be treated; it hurts because it's physically painful, because it makes me feel uncomfortable, because it's gross or disgusting, etc.
As for the 5th item, I think it deserves some clarification. If it refers to someone sleeping with my hypothetical significant other without their consent (i.e. rape), then my feelings are totally irrelevant, it's my partner's feelings that matter. If my partner did consent to it, I would feel extremely hurt by my partner and break up with them as soon as possible for abusing my trust. That being said, in both cases I find that 1. the mysterious 3rd party who slept with my hypothetical partner does not matter at all and 2. I still wouldn't be viewing this through the lens of (dis)respect.
I think I've been talking a lot without saying very much. On a different note to the above, I'm having trouble thinking of a time when I explicitly felt disrespected... to be honest "disrespect" is not a word I really like to use very much anymore. There have definitely been many times where people have made me feel hurt by abusing my trust or extremely uncomfortable by repeatedly ignoring my personal boundaries, but I never really felt disrespected in those scenarios. I also definitely didn't respond with anger either.
When you mention spitting, slapping, shoving and sexual assault, these are all (obviously) assault. They're all criminal offenses. They are technically also disrespectful in the sense that most of us feel like we do not deserve this kind of treatment from a stranger, but so is robbing or murdering someone, yet rarely do we explicitly refer to these acts as disrespectful.
I think the reason why I in particular find it strange to refer to any of these as disrespectful is because my response to being the victim of physical or sexual assault isn't thinking that I haven't received the kind of treatment I feel entitled to. It doesn't hurt because I feel like this random person isn't treating me how I feel I deserve to be treated; it hurts because it's physically painful, because it makes me feel uncomfortable, because it's gross or disgusting, etc.
As for the 5th item, I think it deserves some clarification. If it refers to someone sleeping with my hypothetical significant other without their consent (i.e. rape), then my feelings are totally irrelevant, it's my partner's feelings that matter. If my partner did consent to it, I would feel extremely hurt by my partner and break up with them as soon as possible for abusing my trust. That being said, in both cases I find that 1. the mysterious 3rd party who slept with my hypothetical partner does not matter at all and 2. I still wouldn't be viewing this through the lens of (dis)respect.
I think I've been talking a lot without saying very much. On a different note to the above, I'm having trouble thinking of a time when I explicitly felt disrespected... to be honest "disrespect" is not a word I really like to use very much anymore. There have definitely been many times where people have made me feel hurt by abusing my trust or extremely uncomfortable by repeatedly ignoring my personal boundaries, but I never really felt disrespected in those scenarios. I also definitely didn't respond with anger either.
