18th February 2024, 2:47 PM
(18th February 2024, 6:45 AM)Delphinoid_ Wrote: For starters, "being a man" has nothing to do with anything. I don't know if it's accurate or not, but what you're saying sounds like it's rooted in an intense insecurity. The impression I'm getting is that you stand up for yourself and protect your loved ones at least in part because you think this will make others see you as a "real man". I disagree with this mindset.
Ok, let's back up for a second... you're telling me that being a man has nothing to do with anything?? If that's the way you think, then you obviously don't understand your traditional roles as a man. This is what happens when you don't have a father figure around. No one's taught you how to conquer adversity and take risks. You disagree because no one's stopped you and given you a reality check, yet. This is also why the roles between a man and woman are reversed, nowadays.
(18th February 2024, 6:45 AM)Delphinoid_ Wrote: Being a man has nothing to do with anything. It's everyone's responsibility to protect their loved ones. It's also ok for people, men included, to be afraid; fear is a natural and healthy human reaction. "Living in fear" is obviously another thing entirely, but I don't think anyone is talking about debilitating amounts of fear.
With the impression you're giving off, it certainly sounds like you're the one debilitating excessive amounts of fear because you've never been taught any better. The nice guy method doesn't always work, I'm telling you. At some point, quarrels will eventually turn into dangerous, fighting situations. Running away allows the enemy to perceive you as a weak-minded individual. So just like playing chess, you're exposing a weak side on the board for the enemy to attack you whenever they want. Playing it safe won't always work. Being aggressive has benefits! I'm not saying it does all the time. I'm saying it does in certain situations.
You know what's not healthy?... The advice you're trying to get me to adopt. It tells me that you're a pacifist who'd rather have someone else fight his own battles for him. This is exactly how people get bullied, disrespected, and taken advantage of which is something I won't tolerate! There's an appropriate time to be fearful of something, but this isn't the case. Unless you're held at gunpoint, you better not show any weak signs of fear to the enemy, I'm telling you. Unless you have a medical condition, or you're sick, you better not rely on your wife or girlfriend to fight your own battles for you because now the roles are switched. The traditional way is better... not this soft, modern bullshit (about everything being neutral-gender) they keep poisoning our minds with.
(18th February 2024, 6:45 AM)Delphinoid_ Wrote: To clarify, I believe that everyone should stand up for themselves (not just men, and not just to set a good example for others). That said, throwing your weight around and yelling at people is NOT standing up for yourself. Standing up for yourself means being authentic; not being afraid to say no to people, being open about your boundaries and how you feel (but not in an aggressive or threatening way - it's important to give other people the benefit of the doubt), and so on. Obviously this is important because people aren't mind-readers. The goal of standing up for yourself is to let other people know how you genuinely feel rather than immediately yielding to their whim. If you're getting aggressive, you're not standing up for yourself, you're just being a bully.
Yeah, I hear you, and I understand what you're saying, perfectly. But, what happens when your method doesn't work anymore, huh? All of a sudden the aggressor just put his hands on you. How are you going to react to it? Running away?... Really?? All you're doing is causing the situation to escalate to a dangerous level for you because you refuse to defend yourself. You have this false narrative that running away is going to solve all your confrontational problems. Then, you think it's ok to live in this false reality based on your method of working on everybody, which is highly illogical and insufferable.
So when your words didn't convince the enemy to see the error of their ways, and they're a different breed who responds to quarrels with violence, you must defend yourself. Otherwise, it is you who gets bullied. I do, however, agree that some people who are aggressive and cantankerous can be calmed down with your method. But there is no one-size-fits-all, if you know what I mean. There's a reason why self-defense exists.
(18th February 2024, 6:45 AM)Delphinoid_ Wrote: I personally would never "jump in to fight" someone, ever. I'd try to get the guy off him or put myself between them. I disagree with fighting people full-stop. Because I don't believe in hurting others under any circumstances, my goal would be to redirect the guy's aggression towards myself. If I can get someone to beat me to death instead of my friend, that's honestly good enough for me. But ideally one should try to prevent these kinds of situations at all cost, since again, no one wins.
I know because you're obviously a pacifist. What ever happened to the message you told me earlier, huh? "It's everyone's responsibility to protect their loved ones". So that means it's YOUR responsibility too, to protect your loved ones. Standing in-between them won't always work. They'll push you outta the way and continue whaling on your best friend. Your method is based on fairy tales - nothing but fictions only. They're not guaranteed outcomes with authenticity attached to them. In a perfect world, maybe. But not with monsters. You can't keep doing the same thing over again and expect Grade A results all the time.
Stop thinking that these situations are avertible because that's not always the case. A man with low testosterone will always avoid dangerous situations (including fighting)! No acts of valour detected in your statement when you mentioned, "I don't believe in hurting others under any circumstances." This sounds weak! If you were my best friend, and I saw someone whaling on you, I'd beat the hell out of them!
Look man, I'm trying to help you because I care, ok? If I came off a little too aggressive then I apologize. I've been in your shoes before, and all it showed me was that you can't avoid every situation.
