How are you feeling today?

[Colind]

Like absolute trash. Destroyed the trust of some of the closest people to me and it's all my own fault. There's literally nowhere to go from here.

As a person who also got in line for all similar but different experience from 'Depression' I can strongly tell you that there nothing that life will throw at you that you can't find an answer/solution to even if it goes against 'good or bad'

I personally do not know you Jake, but I want you to know that you're not absolute trash and if you feel that you're.. then you already know what you need to do to not make yourself feel that way. 

Respectfully get up from your 'bottom' and get up and retry. In life people are so worry about being "perfect & normal" when there isn't a person/couple or whatever that fits that to a tea. We all have similar problems and some are light or heavy than others but the experience is the same as in emotions. 

I went on that 'Depression' ride from Dec of 2023 and just barely got out of it the start of this month. It'll take time but everyone who got themselves into a situation can also get them out. 

For awhile I was using a stupid 'drill bit' to cut myself on the left side of the wrist, then did a few suicide attempts. There was a moment on one attempt that really put things into my mind where this doesn't need to be the end. A lot of people think (me included before my experience) suicide is not an option but honestly when you feel in the moment that you've nothing and no one is wanting to help is not that you should give in is that when you need to see that nothing everything is black and white and everyone has had this in their lifetime and just needed to find a way/method to get out of it.  

I had depression when I was in high school (2010) & life was throwing these things at me with everyone in my circle and it took this one to made me not wanting to execute because I knew the people who were going to get left behind will be upset at me but at the same time I know if I didn't come into their life things would be better but we cannot hold that to ourselves. 

I have learned the hardest way for me that it's okay to ask for Help, it's not admitting that you're weak it's the opposite and I want others to know that you can get through this. 

Anyways, I hope you're doing well and things are slowly getting better for you. 

Thanks,

Carlos