Just Thoughts
#1
Hi guys. I feel like I write my feelings here a lot, but honestly i’m not too sure where else to share my thoughts and feelings without feeling judged. 

I’ve been pretty inactive lately because of some personal and IRL issues I have going on and I just haven’t felt like myself. I just finished my school semester and my grades are awful because they haven’t been my main focus, which is embarrassing to admit. 

I have reached an all-time low and haven’t been talking to very many people at all. I haven’t felt this level of depressed all year, and i’m really not too sure how to “fix it” or make it bearable. Last night I felt like my life didn’t matter anymore, and I almost committed suicide in my car at a parking lot where I was alone. I called a friend and told her because I knew it wasn’t the right decision, but I needed someone to talk me out of it and just hold/ hug me. 

When I went into work out, my manager told me it looks like I’ve lost weight and asked what I’ve been doing (dieting, training), and the sad reality of it all is I haven’t been doing any of that. And it hurt to tell her I’ve been so depressed I haven’t been eating. 

The holidays are coming up and I really hope to get out of this funk really soon. I don’t want to ruin this time of year for my family. And most of all, I am really wanting to figure all of this out soon so I can go into 2021 with a fresh, new, happy mindset. 

If any of you struggle with depression, I could really use some tips on how to manage the sadness and try to be a more positive person. So far, I’ve tried working out more, taking more bubble baths, listening to more music, and going out with friends more. I could really use some help and prayers to get me by. Thank you for reading and listening.
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#2
Hey Janelle. I have struggled with depression, believe it or not.. and almost 3 years ago I really did think about suicide. What got me through is my faith as a Christian. I know that religion is not for everyone and I'm not trying to force anyone to believe in some "high power" but that's what got helped. Just listening to gospel music just really helped me, and I had my close friends who really cared about me. I feel like sharing this because even though I seemed happy almost all the time, I was a broken person inside. I want you to know that you're not alone! I don't usually comment on blogs, but I felt the need to share this to you because I was in the exact same boat. We're always here to support you! I'm not gonna lie, this year has been stressful af. I deal with anxiety on a day-to-day basis with me taking breaks from discord because it's just too much for me. My DMs are always open on discord. I'll always be here. Just know that you have a family on JV who loves and cares for you and would be really sad if you weren't here because there is only one Janelle on this earth and that is you! You are very special!! I hope things work out for you <3 💖💙

A quote that also helped: You've survived 100% of your worst days. You're doing great.
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#3
I've also struggled with depression, and have had suicidal thoughts on and off for about a month now. The best thing that's helping me is listening to music. I probably wouldn't still be here without Pogo's music. Managing depression is something that's very tricky, and something I'm still trying to figure out myself. I use laughter and jokes as a coping mechanism, but I don't know if that's helpful... Gee, I'm terrible with advice. I would say not to force yourself to feel happy, try to find things that make you happy. It hasn't been easy for most people cause of this pandemic, that's for sure. I hope you start feeling better. I know venting about what you're going through is helpful for some people, as it is for me. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to shoot me a message as well. Just remember that we all care about you Janelle.
“To be is to do” ~Socrates
“To do is to be” ~Jean-Paul Sartre
“Do be do be do” ~Frank Sinatra
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#4
Thank you both, @Ashley766 and @Mystery for your kind words. Unfortunately, I'm not really a religious person. Though, I'll sometimes pray to "something" up there in hopes of a miracle.

I definitely laugh as a coping mechanism. Though I don't believe when people say, "I'm gonna kill myself" is something to joke around about. Other things... yes. Just not that. Venting about my feelings is something that I'm really not too good about, believe it or not.

I've made a couple mistakes lately that I'm 100% not proud of, and will probably need to face the consequences eventually. But for now... I'll just try and live my life.
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#5
You’re all so kind 🥺🥺🥺
I’ve been getting so many DMs and PMs about what I can do to get back on top of things and knowing I’m not alone.
So thank you all.
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#6
sad to hear, I hope your depression goes away and you can enjoy the holidays with your family, and I think you will figure things out eventually. Depression can be very tough, especially during these times with the pandemic, maybe try and find joy in doing something you like, maybe art or listen to some music? you can also try to talk it out with a family member or someone very close to you if you feel confortable with that.
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