Let's get this thread to a million pages!

[Different]

So there we were in Berlin, trying to find some lost artifact you dropped there back in 2014. It happened during one of your many hazy nights of binge drinking and hitting on uncomfortable women. Suddenly, two men dressed in all black ambushed you, threw a bag on your head, smacked you with a baseball bat, and threw you into a limo. I couldn't even react in time cause I was too busy laughing at a humorous video on my cellular device. Then suddenly, there was a note flying out of the limo and landed by my feet. "If you want your friend back, beat us at Candyland on PR2. Otherwise his head will be sent to your address by mail." Confident in my many years of playing Candyland, I thought this would be no trouble at all. It was a few hours later that I realized, this was my ex-best friend. He always beat me at everything. "His account is still rank 20, I have nothing to worry about!" I thought to myself. Fast forward to 2 nights later. I was on the Carina server with nobody but him, his 2 lackeys, and someone else's 4 rank 60+ macro accounts. "Well his lackeys are rank 28 and 31, surely I can beat them too!" Then I look on the Campaign. I couldn't believe my eyes. Those rank 60+ accounts weren't someone macroing, those were my ex-best friend and his lackey's accounts! I was only rank 22, how was I going to beat these punks? Realizing I had little to no shot of winning this race, I did something drastic. I stopped my macro on the Derron server and logged into my rank 76 account. Now it is I who had the upper hand! I have to imagine they were trembling in fear, quaking in their boots. They were such wusses, they didn't even want to race me. For I am the great Platform Racing 2. I am literally the name of the game, and you know that no one ever beats the game at itself. That's when I received a PM that read as follows: "The race is off, you can have your drunk friend back." Good thing my high rank scared them off. Little did they know, I am actually a terrible racer. So when you say you heard I am a bodyguard and chauffer, that's only because of that one random night where I saved you in Berlin.

You overlooked one thing: you've been trying to keep your identity confidential so I wouldn't know that you are actually the manipulative aircraft pilot who flew us to Berlin with an excessive amount of liquor boxes and an overpowered laptop. I thought we were going to Dubai, but I guess you wanted to surprise me with Berlin instead. I didn't tell you that before the party started, I had a chat with UnknownAX. We've spent 5 nights at Freddy's devising a plan to give you the illusion that you thought you were racing your ex-best friends, when in reality you were racing UnknownAX and his AI bots at rank 60. He sat there and laughed uncontrollably, as you thought you had the victory with Rank 76 to become victorious in Candyland. But, then suddenly a power outage occurs, shuts down Pr2, and erases your Rank 76 back to zero; you are the only one affected. You become so frustrated that you quit Pr2 and asked me for a job because I was the only one who could save you from a life of meaningless. Without Pr2, there was nothing else for you to live for. By the time you realized that the guy who you thought was me that you saved in Berlin was actually a clone... I had already wrote out a schedule for you to fulfill your duties as a cook, aircraft pilot, chauffeur, and a bodyguard. You were so devastated when you finally realized that you were living vicariously through another man's life. This taught you a valuable lesson because reality stings like a bee, which led you to be more thankful for your job. Five minutes later I receive a phone call from the dry cleaners telling me that my dry cleaning is finally ready. You then fly us back to Dubai to pick up my dry cleaning, buy me some caviar, buy me some salmon, and then buy me some red wine. Your fantasy of being free as a bird was extirpated into a million pieces when you realized that you were actually living vicariously through UnknownAX's past life. We then laugh uncontrollably as you tuck your tail between your legs because you are now an employee of mine living in a fantasy world.