4th March 2024, 11:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 4th March 2024, 11:14 PM by Mia. Edited 3 times in total.)
(4th March 2024, 9:56 PM)Different Wrote: Sometimes, you gotta reach out to people in order to get them to chat with you. I've had to reach out to a few people and make friends with them in order to start some where. We won't bite, so you have nothing to worry about.
I don't know what happened to these people, man. It's like their personalities changed when they left AF. I do recognize some people from AF on here, but it's different now. You and I really became close friends over the summer, 2 years ago. On the other hand, I didn't appreciate you just leaving JV without telling me. Had I'd known what you were going through around that time, I would have stopped you.
Oh and don't forget that people are migrating to Quora and Reddit as well.
I was kind of forced into leaving all social media because my mental health wasn't stable enough, I was borderline suicidal and saying things that caused people to get upset at me. I know AlphaZ, Colind, and FDX3 probably hate me now because of statements I made about F@H at the time but I only said those things because I wasn't right in the head. I'm sorry for hurting anyone with my words. Everyone has whatever reason they want for folding for Team Jiggmin, I was acting like my reason for folding was superior because I didn't care about the points or rank. It made me feel like it would be best if I just left the community entirely because I thought I had turned the whole community against me.
And it caused me to basically become ostracized in a different community I was a part of for 20 months. Because my "bad attitude" after my brother's passing, I wasn't saying the right things. I was upsetting pretty much everyone there and the streamer tried comparing her losing her cats to me losing my brother which I thought was insulting to even make a comparison like that when I'm under extreme mental anguish. I had absolutely nothing left except my parasocial friendship with VTubers like Ceres Fauna and Kaela Kovalskia.
Going to sleep every night was a constant struggle because every night without fail, I would have a nightmare about my brother. I'd have a dream where I found him in the forest he passed away in and he'd tell me "I didn't really die I just got lost!" then I'd wake up. And it was traumatizing beyond belief, I am still screwed up from all of this and I am not the same person I was before all of this started. Sleeping felt like my one escape from the dark thoughts until the dark thoughts followed me there.
I basically ruined every friendship I had which made me feel more and more alone and like I had no one to talk to about it because I didn't want to be a burden on any little remaining contacts I had left. I went to an amusement park on my birthday last year (June 23rd, 2023) and I was crying. I couldn't even have fun at an amusement park and at that point I honestly just wanted my life to be over.
Just 5 days later I would meet my boyfriend while playing 100% Orange Juice and by that point I had pretty much given up on life. I doubt I would've lasted much longer like that without ending it so I credit him with saving my life because I honestly wouldn't have gotten out of that darkness with out some form of support. Now I'm still kind of struggling with it, but it has gotten easier with a friend group and a partner that will love me no matter what. That's why I felt I was able to return to JV2, because I had gained so much support from my relationship.
I guess now I am at a point where I don't want to bother people by initiating conversation due to mental trauma and being extremely introverted. I apologize if I'm trauma dumping too much but I thought you should have as much context on why I did what I did.