Let's get this thread to a million pages!

[Different]

I was kind of forced into leaving all social media because my mental health wasn't stable enough, I was borderline suicidal and saying things that caused people to get upset at me. I know AlphaZ, Colind, and FDX3 probably hate me now because of statements I made about F@H at the time but I only said those things because I wasn't right in the head. I'm sorry for hurting anyone with my words. Everyone has whatever reason they want for folding for Team Jiggmin, I was acting like my reason for folding was superior because I didn't care about the points or rank. It made me feel like it would be best if I just left the community entirely because I thought I had turned the whole community against me.

We all have made mistakes in the past, so the important thing is to have a heart of forgiveness and allow yourself to grow past that. Otherwise, it'll just lead to stress and anxiety, which then leads to suicide eventually, if not treated properly. At some point, there will be times where you'll piss some people off but who cares? Being mentally strong is a healthy state of mind because it allows you to express yourself more freely without worrying about pissing someone off. On the other hand, I really wish you would have kept in touch with me and at least told me what's going on. I could have provided some sort of assistance.

And it caused me to basically become ostracized in a different community I was a part of for 20 months. Because my "bad attitude" after my brother's passing, I wasn't saying the right things. I was upsetting pretty much everyone there and the streamer tried comparing her losing her cats to me losing my brother which I thought was insulting to even make a comparison like that when I'm under extreme mental anguish. I had absolutely nothing left except my parasocial friendship with VTubers like Ceres Fauna and Kaela Kovalskia.

I understand where you're coming from. Losing a loved one can be devastating because then you start to feel worthless and you may end of letting your emotions get the best of you. Also yes, that cat comparison was insulting and disrespectful. People need to stop treating cats like they're humans. They're just animals. When you're under "extreme mental anguish", then it's best to depart from social media for a while. People will always say things to get underneath your skin.

Going to sleep every night was a constant struggle because every night without fail, I would have a nightmare about my brother. I'd have a dream where I found him in the forest he passed away in and he'd tell me "I didn't really die I just got lost!" then I'd wake up. And it was traumatizing beyond belief, I am still screwed up from all of this and I am not the same person I was before all of this started. Sleeping felt like my one escape from the dark thoughts until the dark thoughts followed me there.

It sounds like you've had some unresolved issues that you were struggling to let go of. A lot of this can be related to stress and anxiety. It's hard to find peace when you've got demons constantly tormenting you everyday. I've heard that things like mediation, massages, herbal teas, vitamins (magnesium, Vitamin D3, Melatonin), and exercise can manage stress levels. That's really all it is is high stress levels, high blood pressure, and anxiety. That's why it's important to have mentally strong people in your life to help you fight through these things.

I basically ruined every friendship I had which made me feel more and more alone and like I had no one to talk to about it because I didn't want to be a burden on any little remaining contacts I had left. I went to an amusement park on my birthday last year (June 23rd, 2023) and I was crying. I couldn't even have fun at an amusement park and at that point I honestly just wanted my life to be over.

Just 5 days later I would meet my boyfriend while playing 100% Orange Juice and by that point I had pretty much given up on life. I doubt I would've lasted much longer like that without ending it so I credit him with saving my life because I honestly wouldn't have gotten out of that darkness with out some form of support. Now I'm still kind of struggling with it, but it has gotten easier with a friend group and a partner that will love me no matter what.

I guess now I am at a point where I don't want to bother people by initiating conversation due to mental trauma and being extremely introverted. I apologize if I'm trauma dumping too much but I thought you should have as much context on why I did what I did.

Listen, you're not a burden on me at all ok? I enjoy having conversations with people because it gives me a chance to get to know them on a deeper and personal level. I may seem like a hard ass, or an ignoramus based on some of my threads in the past, but I'm actually a nice guy irl. Don't ever hesitate to contact me if you have any issues with anything at all. I can give you advice because I've helped someone in the past who went through the same thing as you did. It's not easy at first, but with time and resiliency, you'll be able to let go of any nightmares that you've once had.

Another thing that I highly recommend (and you can disagree with me if you want) is to boost your testosterone levels up. Doing so will elevate your mood, energy levels, mentality, and reduce anxiety. I've considered buying testosterone vitamins from THESE guys.