10th December 2020, 10:46 PM
(This post was last modified: 10th December 2020, 10:48 PM by ClassyElephant. Edited 1 time in total.)
This is the night before I take my final undergraduate college exam. I have already passed all my classes, so the exam doesn't really mean much, but it's the final assignment that I will submit before I become a college graduate. This may seem like a small deal to some people, but it's huge to me. I am writing this here because I really don't know where else to write it.
You see, JV and this community holds a special place in my heart, one that I don't think I've ever shared. I'm not sure if any of you remember, but as a high schooler, I was deeply depressed. I often wrote about it on my blogs on this site, and was frequently met with a rather cold response. I never really found "community" among other members here, and I still see myself as an outsider here, due to my past reputation and often immature actions that I've taken. But this website was once the place where I would express my burdens and heartache of depression and mental illness. Even though no one seemingly cared, it was a place where I could put my thoughts into words, and truly express what I was feeling when I didn't feel safe to do it in person.
I've tried suicide before, unsuccessfully. I underwent therapy and several different treatments to "cure" me of depression. I never really considered my future or my adulthood, because I genuinely never thought I would live to see 21. I still manage symptoms of depression that I frequently face today, although I have gotten much better at managing them and living life. Throughout all of this, I was encouraged by my family to go to college, and soon enough it became my reason for living. Even though I despised my classes and my homework at times, I kept doing it because it gave me purpose.
Now, the sun is setting on my undergraduate experience. As of December 21st, I will hold a Bachelor's degree in psychology. But that's not the best part: I now have a life goal. My current career path is to work as a behavioral therapist with children who have autism and other special needs. I've been working for the past few months to become certified as a behavioral technician. I have a solid resume, I have an internship under my belt, I've even gotten involved in my community through volunteering with animal shelters. I live on my own. I pay my own rent, I have my own part-time job, I feed myself. I'm a functional human who is 21 years young and finally has a life ahead of him.
I've been looking towards the future for the past 3 years or so, since I truly committed to my future and my education. But now that it's pretty much over, I can't help but look back at the 15 year old kid who was venting on this website about how much he wanted to kill himself. I can't help but think about the nights where I cried myself to sleep, the days where I felt so alone and empty inside. It took me 21 years to love myself and appreciate how far I've come in life. But here I am.
I'm proud of myself. This is so much more than a degree to me. This is the start of my life.
I did it. I ****ing did it.
You see, JV and this community holds a special place in my heart, one that I don't think I've ever shared. I'm not sure if any of you remember, but as a high schooler, I was deeply depressed. I often wrote about it on my blogs on this site, and was frequently met with a rather cold response. I never really found "community" among other members here, and I still see myself as an outsider here, due to my past reputation and often immature actions that I've taken. But this website was once the place where I would express my burdens and heartache of depression and mental illness. Even though no one seemingly cared, it was a place where I could put my thoughts into words, and truly express what I was feeling when I didn't feel safe to do it in person.
I've tried suicide before, unsuccessfully. I underwent therapy and several different treatments to "cure" me of depression. I never really considered my future or my adulthood, because I genuinely never thought I would live to see 21. I still manage symptoms of depression that I frequently face today, although I have gotten much better at managing them and living life. Throughout all of this, I was encouraged by my family to go to college, and soon enough it became my reason for living. Even though I despised my classes and my homework at times, I kept doing it because it gave me purpose.
Now, the sun is setting on my undergraduate experience. As of December 21st, I will hold a Bachelor's degree in psychology. But that's not the best part: I now have a life goal. My current career path is to work as a behavioral therapist with children who have autism and other special needs. I've been working for the past few months to become certified as a behavioral technician. I have a solid resume, I have an internship under my belt, I've even gotten involved in my community through volunteering with animal shelters. I live on my own. I pay my own rent, I have my own part-time job, I feed myself. I'm a functional human who is 21 years young and finally has a life ahead of him.
I've been looking towards the future for the past 3 years or so, since I truly committed to my future and my education. But now that it's pretty much over, I can't help but look back at the 15 year old kid who was venting on this website about how much he wanted to kill himself. I can't help but think about the nights where I cried myself to sleep, the days where I felt so alone and empty inside. It took me 21 years to love myself and appreciate how far I've come in life. But here I am.
I'm proud of myself. This is so much more than a degree to me. This is the start of my life.
I did it. I ****ing did it.
![[Image: 8bs0tw4.png]](https://i.imgur.com/8bs0tw4.png)
