2nd February 2018, 3:32 AM
(This post was last modified: 11th March 2018, 11:20 PM by Jessica Rocks. Edited 3 times in total.)
Part 2:
At one point a couple days after I got home I decided it was time. I stopped forcing myself to breath and just waited. I don't know how long I went without breathing. My whole body starting involuntarily twitching and shuddering. My heart heaved with each beat and seemed to be slowing. I kept thinking about my family and friends, mostly my mom. Thinking about what death would hold for me. I realized I was terrified of dying. Then I thought back to my mom hugging me before she left for work that morning and telling me that she loves me and knows I'll get better soon, that I'm young and healthy and I'll bounce back even if it seems bad now. I decided to try, for her.
I had to force myself to take another breath but I couldn't. For a moment I was afraid I had passed the point of no return. It took all of my will power to get my chest to rise and take a breath. I took breath after breath and tried to make myself sit up. It was slow at first. My arms felt like they were held down by chains or weighed 100 pounds. My hands were totally numb. I was sobbing and trying to shake life back into them. I tried to move my legs but couldn't. Once my arms were kind of working I grabbed each leg and started trying to shake the life back into them. Slowly but surely the feeling crept back and I could move them again. I was back from the brink and determined to live now. Determined to try my best to get better.
It was slow going but I recovered. It was a couple more days before I was up and about again. I tried to help my Dad out in the garden. Just to make myself do something. Use my arms and legs. My left arm was really weak and the pins and needles feeling and pain took around a week to go away. I still had terrible hand tremors. I had difficulty comprehending things, especially when reading. My language skills were returning though.
Luckily I'd been on vacation from work at the time. I was afraid to go back to work because my brain still felt like it barely worked compared to how it used to be. My ankle needed surgery at the time. I'd been planning on having it during the summer but my parents and I decided to have it now so I could go on medical leave and use the time to recover. I kept progressing after the surgery. In April I decided I should find a new hobby to keep me occupied. I spent a lot of time reading about it and slowly regained my comprehension skills. I spent as much time as I could just reading. I'd read tons of articles on reddit. My ankle took quite awhile to heal. It kept swelling up if I was on my feet for more than a couple hours. I didn't go back to work until August 2016.
2 years later and I'm pretty much back to normal. The hand tremors were very noticeable for the first 6 months or so. At this point they're almost gone. If I make a fist and slowly open my hand I just shake a bit in my right hand during the release. I wouldn't say I'm at 100% mentally yet. In the 90's% though and still improving. I havn't taken medications in well over a year either. Screw meds. Don't follow your doctor's advice when you know they're wrong! Or at least get a second opinion.
Thanks for reading.
At one point a couple days after I got home I decided it was time. I stopped forcing myself to breath and just waited. I don't know how long I went without breathing. My whole body starting involuntarily twitching and shuddering. My heart heaved with each beat and seemed to be slowing. I kept thinking about my family and friends, mostly my mom. Thinking about what death would hold for me. I realized I was terrified of dying. Then I thought back to my mom hugging me before she left for work that morning and telling me that she loves me and knows I'll get better soon, that I'm young and healthy and I'll bounce back even if it seems bad now. I decided to try, for her.
I had to force myself to take another breath but I couldn't. For a moment I was afraid I had passed the point of no return. It took all of my will power to get my chest to rise and take a breath. I took breath after breath and tried to make myself sit up. It was slow at first. My arms felt like they were held down by chains or weighed 100 pounds. My hands were totally numb. I was sobbing and trying to shake life back into them. I tried to move my legs but couldn't. Once my arms were kind of working I grabbed each leg and started trying to shake the life back into them. Slowly but surely the feeling crept back and I could move them again. I was back from the brink and determined to live now. Determined to try my best to get better.
It was slow going but I recovered. It was a couple more days before I was up and about again. I tried to help my Dad out in the garden. Just to make myself do something. Use my arms and legs. My left arm was really weak and the pins and needles feeling and pain took around a week to go away. I still had terrible hand tremors. I had difficulty comprehending things, especially when reading. My language skills were returning though.
Luckily I'd been on vacation from work at the time. I was afraid to go back to work because my brain still felt like it barely worked compared to how it used to be. My ankle needed surgery at the time. I'd been planning on having it during the summer but my parents and I decided to have it now so I could go on medical leave and use the time to recover. I kept progressing after the surgery. In April I decided I should find a new hobby to keep me occupied. I spent a lot of time reading about it and slowly regained my comprehension skills. I spent as much time as I could just reading. I'd read tons of articles on reddit. My ankle took quite awhile to heal. It kept swelling up if I was on my feet for more than a couple hours. I didn't go back to work until August 2016.
2 years later and I'm pretty much back to normal. The hand tremors were very noticeable for the first 6 months or so. At this point they're almost gone. If I make a fist and slowly open my hand I just shake a bit in my right hand during the release. I wouldn't say I'm at 100% mentally yet. In the 90's% though and still improving. I havn't taken medications in well over a year either. Screw meds. Don't follow your doctor's advice when you know they're wrong! Or at least get a second opinion.
Thanks for reading.
Rock 'n' Roll
